Movie Review: Snow White and the Huntsman
The only similarity between Snow White and the Huntsman and the Disney tale with which you’re probably familiar is that both start with the words: “Once Upon a Time.” On the other side of that phrase lies a kingdom where men are mere bystanders against the forces that reign supreme: beauty and dark magic, wielded dangerously by bad-ass women.
Evil queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) is a man-hating chick who enjoys crushing flowers and eating the hearts of small birds. She’s the beneficiary of a spell that grants her absolute power, which is tied to her superior beauty. This spell is threatened only by a fairer maiden, Snow White (Kristen Stewart), who receives protection and training from the very Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) sent to deliver her to the queen.
Apparently, this Snow White does more than gallivant through the woods singing to birds and dancing with dwarfs. Who knew? It all leads to an epic showdown between Ravenna and Snow. I won’t spoil the ending for you; Disney already did. The cinematography is gorgeous, and the visual effects almost manage to be believable – remember, this is a world where faeries flit about and mean trolls lurk in the Dark Forest. Theron also is stunning, even as she sucks the life out of the young women around her. Every villain deserves a chance at empathy, but we never get much insight as to why Ravenna so loathes everything with a penis and what exactly made her turn un-redemptively evil.
Overall, it’s no use – one just can’t see past those anguished Bella faces that Kristen Stewart always makes. Lest we forget that she is the Chosen One, there’s even a Bella-esque love triangle, with K-Stew caught once again between two extremely handsome men who are willing to fight wars for her.
I would have checked out of Snow White and the Huntsman earlier had it not been for the eye candy. Chris Hemsworth can star in a movie whereby he looks in a mirror for two hours and I would pay to watch him do so. Oh yeah, he’s also in another movie that’s out right now that will likely entertain you more than this one, even if you’ve already seen it.
