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Posted December 12, 2012 by Gregory Small in Features
 
 

Ten Alternative Christmas Movies

If you’re getting your holiday movie lineup together you’re probably selecting from the canon of mandatory yuletide films. Sure they’re good, but when Die Hard is America’s number one Christmas movie, well, we have clearly crossed a line in our definition of “Christmas” movie. It now includes movies that aren’t about Christmas but merely have Christmas in them – songs, snow, decorations, parties, and those guys standing on street corners ringing a bell. These movies weren’t made as Christmas movies, but in the same way that cult films become such, they have become Christmas movies.

The classics will always remain popular but they can become tiresome, only confirming what we already know: it’s Christmas. Watching something different won’t make it any less so. And I must admit I’ve lost some of my enthusiasm for a few of them. I no longer care about the trial of Santa Claus or that little girl in Miracle on 34th Street, I can’t tell White Christmas from Holiday Inn and have already watched Die Hard three times in the past twelve months. I’ve memorized the lines to A Christmas Carol (and can do the English accents pretty good too!) and I really don’t want to watch George Bailey running through town wishing a “Merry Christmas” to inanimate objects.

The following are presented as alternative Christmas movies to the traditional ones we all love. These films have something of Christmas in them, at least enough to allow you to say: “Yeah, I watched some Christmas movies this year.”

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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Kiss Kiss Bang BangA petty crook from New York, Harry Lockhart (Robert Downey Jr.), leaves town after a botched robbery and lands in Los Angeles where he is mistaken first for an actor, then a private investigator. Harry is reunited with a childhood friend, Harmony Faith Lane (Michelle Monaghan), who he falls in love with while trying to help her find her missing sister.

This screwball murder mystery, set during the Christmas season, makes the most of sex and violence in a kind of offbeat tribute to pulp and film noir. It parodies the hard-boiled detective genre with a voice over narration that is a running commentary on Hollywood movies. This movie is lots of fun and features many Christmas scenes including a leggy Harmony dressed as one of Santa’s helpers.

The Odessa File (1974)

The Odessa FileA reporter, Peter Miller (Jon Voight), is given what he thinks is a dead-end assignment and in his research uncovers Odessa, a secret organization formed by former SS officers to get false identities and avoid criminal prosecution for war crimes. Working with Israeli intelligence, Miller agrees to go undercover posing as an SS officer.

This film is set in 1963 and begins with the assassination of President Kennedy and goes through Christmas. Although the lack of snow is disappointing, rolling the credits to the sound of “Christmas Dream” at least gets it started in the right direction. Miller and his girlfriend even have time for some Christmas shopping – which is kind of ruined when the bad guys try to push Miller under a train.

Three Days of the Condor (1975)

Three Days of the CondorIn the days after Watergate, conspiracy/political thrillers became wildly popular and Hollywood produced some very good ones. People liked them because they believed them. Government involvement in conspiracies and the CIA guilty of illegal wiretapping, surveillance, and assassinations rings all too true. Sounds pretty much like standard operating procedure today, but back then it was news.

Low-level agent Joe Turner (Robert Redford) works at the American Literary Historical Society, a front for the CIA. He’s late getting back to the office from lunch and finds that everyone in the place has been killed. He calls it in to his handler but is no longer sure who he can trust as it becomes apparent there is a “Company within the Company.” His next three days are pretty exciting and it all takes place over Christmas in New York.

Lady in the Lake (1947)

Lady in the LakeThis murder mystery takes place over Christmas Eve and Christmas and has plenty of carols (including a medley over the holiday decorated opening credits), parties and gift giving. The film is shot subjectively through the eyes of detective Phillip Marlowe (Robert Montgomery). Marlowe is hired to find the wife of publisher Derace Kingsby but only so he can serve her with divorce papers. When a corpse is found in the lake at Kingsby’s, Marlowe is surprised to find it is not Mrs. Kingsby.

There’s a lot of holiday cheer in this rare Christmas noir with Marlowe, as always, getting knocked silly by some thugs and finding time to cultivate a romantic relationship with a suspect.

1941 (1979)

1941A madcap comedy that takes place during what would have to be the most memorable Christmas in US history. With the country on alert after war was declared on December 8, a Japanese submarine is spotted off the coast of Santa Monica. Everyone steps up to turn back the “invasion” by the lone Japanese sub – soldiers, civilian defense units, and the USO all team up, well, sort of. Amazingly enough, no one gets hurt and the Japanese return home with their honor intact after successfully attacking an amusement park (they kill the Ferris wheel).

The humor is over the top but well done and the movie features alums from the heyday of Saturday Night Live.

Black Christmas (1974)

Black ChristmasIn a sorority house over Christmas break the girls have their party interrupted by a series of mysterious and obscene phone calls. The police are unimpressed by the college kids’ complaints even when one of them goes missing. The girls who decide to spend Christmas break in the house are picked off one by one in a variety of very inventive methods by a killer who makes his work easier by taking up residence in the attic (“The calls are coming from inside the house!”).

Considered to be the first slasher film (four years prior to Halloween), it has become a cult favorite. A low budget film with some dark humor, a body count that’s not too high, and violence that is not too graphic (by today’s standards). The director of this film went on to make another Christmas classic: 1983’s A Christmas Story.

Blast of Silence (1961)

Blast of SilenceThe loneliness of the hit man is seen in Frankie Bono (Allen Baron), who comes to New York during the Christmas season to execute a contract on a mid-level mobster. The display windows, lights, carols, Christmas trees, and busy shoppers don’t mean anything to Frankie. A guy he grew up with in the orphanage invites him to a Christmas party and hooks him up with his sister. This ultimate loner realizes that maybe he doesn’t want to be alone, falls for the girl, and tells the mob he wants out. The mob doesn’t want to hear it and tell him he has until New Year’s Eve to finish the job. Now Frankie is the hunter and the hunted.

The film’s climactic scene was shot on Long Island as Hurricane Donna rolled into town. The scene had been previously scheduled and they decided to go ahead with it anyway.

2046 (2004)

2046A man and a woman spend three Christmas Eves together in Hong Kong in the late 1960s in this story of love lost, re-found, and lost again as a writer becomes fixated on a former once in a lifetime love affair.

The film takes its title from the number of the room where the two lovers first met; but the number also serves as a calendar year as the film has jumps to a future where “people go to recapture lost memories.” It sounds a little off but it is absolutely beautiful to look at (especially if you like the color red) and when Nat King Cole sings “Merry Christmas” the bizarre plot points don’t seem to matter

The Apartment (1960)

The AparatmentA lonely guy, office worker C.C. Baxter (Jack Lemmon), works on the 19th floor in a grid of desks the size of central park. Being single, he “loans” his apartment to office higher-ups so they can conduct their extramarital dalliances. This may get Baxter up to the 27th floor with the big boys but the arrangement has become inconvenient and he’s not happy. He falls for office elevator operator Fran Kubelik (Shirley MacLaine) only to discover that she is one of the objects of his boss’s desire.

This is a terrific romance/comedy/drama starring two of the biggest stars of their time. The office party is a hoot as is the New Year’s Eve party, Baxter has one of those aluminum Christmas trees, and Santa Claus closes the local bar. This film is a story of love and loneliness, the two greatest emotions of the holiday season.

The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)

The Fearless Vampire KillersA personal favorite, this one has nothing to do with Christmas but makes the list based on snow scenes alone. The whole thing looks like a Christmas card and the story feels like a fairy tale. It is a story of love told as a comedy/horror set in Transylvania one winter long ago.

A young man comes into town and falls in love with the daughter of the tavern owner only to see her whisked away by a vampire. He and “vampire expert” Professor Abronsius set out on a journey to the count’s castle to save the beautiful young maiden. But it’s all in good fun as the vampire killers are far from fearless and they don’t kill anybody. Now that’s the spirit of Christmas!

Gregory Small

Gregory Small